What to Expect at Our First Couples Therapy Session

Taking the first step toward couples therapy can feel intimidating. Once you’ve made the appointment, signed the paperwork, and convinced your partner that this is a good idea, you might find yourself asking, “What is going to happen once I get into this session?”

I begin by meeting with both you and your partner together and asking why each of you feels you are in therapy. This helps me gain a basic understanding of your perspectives and allows me to observe how you communicate with one another. I spend time asking general questions about your relationship, its history, and what you hope to achieve through therapy. We also discuss the rules of my practice, limits of confidentiality, billing expectations, the best ways to contact me, and I answer any questions that arise. This session typically lasts 50–55 minutes, and we usually schedule follow-up appointments before the session ends.

After the initial session, I schedule two individual appointments, one with each of you separately. The purpose of these sessions is not to uncover secrets or speak negatively about your partner. Rather, they serve two important functions: (1) to understand each of your personal histories within a productive timeframe, and (2) to gain more insight into how each partner perceives the relationship. It is crucial for me to understand each of you individually, as this helps explain how problems are currently being handled and what previous experiences or expectations may be influencing your relationship.

I always encourage couples to be as open and honest as possible during this process. Therapy is not about making your counselor feel comfortable. If a recommendation isn’t helpful, speak up. Your feedback allows me to adjust and better support you. I also welcome comments about what has or hasn’t worked in previous therapeutic relationships.

Every therapist has a different style, so it’s important to find someone whose approach fits your needs and see if they are a good match.

Martha Bartlow, LPC, NCC, Supervisor